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February 08, 2012

Because It Matters

There are somethings in life that I can walk away from and then there are others I will strive for, live for, and fight for, to have the very best in my life. I have three children and I have prayed, fasted and travailed to keep them safe and saved. I will continue to do so. My walk in the Lord is another thing I will not lose, nothing else matters to me more than the favor of the Lord! Nothing else! The song says,

"If I lose it all,
And I am left with nothing,
If I Have the Lord,
I know I will make it through.

(Sister Courtney Kelly sang this song in the Sunday morning service and the presence of the Lord just filled that place as people were raising their hands in worship to the Lord.)

But if I lose it all? Honey, I have lost it all. I have been there. The only thing I had left was the Lord. I came to Glendale, Arizona, with twenty dollars, wondering how am I ever going to make it? How am I going to provide for my children, pay the rent, pay the bills, or buy gas to get to next job interview? Because I have the Lord, He helped me make it through.

Feeling totally abandoned and without anyone to turn to for assistance I found the Lord making a way for me. I had help from the church to make it to Glendale and the help I needed for the first month here. But what do I do for the future? Pastor said, "Live as if everything is going to depend on your response to the situation you are in". He said, "Smile. Be happy because God is so good." Smiling was not easy but loving the Lord is easy.  So I tried to smile everyday and did not want to show any hurt. I know I was not always successful in smiling. Sometimes the frown muscles refused to lift upward. But, here goes, ss-mmm-ile.

"We will pay your next month's rent", said Department of Economic Security (D.E.S.).
"What?", I thought in my heart. I can remember looking down at my folded hands thinking, "It hurts sometimes when everything works out right because it means THIS is what and where I am supposed TO BE and it is not a nightmare I will awake from." I said to the lady from D.E.S, "Thank you for helping me. It means a lot, thank you".

"Sister Payan, we want to sponsor your kids to go to Heritage Conference", said a family in the church.
"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

"There is a 250.00 deposit for the electricity to be turned on", said Salt River Project (S.R.P.).
"I can't afford the deposit", said I.
"I am seeing your history from when you used to live here before, let me see if I can do something about the deposit", said S.R.P..
I waited while he put me on-hold, silent prayer, "God show me You are in this because it is so hard to face it all alone".
S.R.P. came back and said, "We waived the deposit and we will turn it on this date for you".
Tears streamed and I could not speak. I whispered, "Thank you", to the man on the phone, and when we hung up I wept.

And just in time for the following month's rent, I received my first paycheck and tax return.

Because I have the Lord, He helped me make it through.

The enemy of our soul has taken enough from me, but no more. And I am getting it all back! God promised and I am hanging on to His promises. I told the Lord, "Lord, I will worship as though it already were. I am seeing with eyes of faith and not fear and doubt". I will lose no more, I will not lose anymore! I am standing my ground. Correction, I am standing on the Word. I will lose no more. Usually, I panic and it grips my heart with a hurtful pang whenever I hear some news, but I began to respond to my heart with, "This is part of what the Lord is doing and it will be worth it all when I see the finished work". I am getting it all back!

He's the only reason I Live

Verse 1:
I've been blessed with many things,
God's been so good to me.
I have family and friends who share in all I do.
But if I lose it all and I'm left with nothing,
If I have the Lord,
I know I'll make it through


He's the only reason I live,
But oh what a reason,
He's the only reason I live,
But oh what a reason.
There's nothing in this world worth living for,
It only leaves you empty and longing for more.
He's the only reason I live,
But oh what a reason.

You may have tried a lot of things,
To find real happiness,
But if you've looked very long, you know it can't be found,
Until you find the Lord in the power of His spirit.
He'll be your reason to live,
And He'll never let you down.
Joy Elms

It matters to me, to have the Lord in my life. And these are four of the reasons why.

Because it matters to me, so very much, to find favor with the Lord...
I am what and where I am supposed to be for when God moves.
God bless you.

Thank you, Courtney, for singing, "He's The Only Reason I live". 
It blessed my soul and reminded me of what matters and to hang on. 

1 comment:

  1. I have tears in my eyes.

    Thank you for sharing so openly.



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